• Categories
  • Archives

A Few Almost Guaranteed Ways to Get a Husband As Brazilians Taught Me

Upside-down St Anthony The biological clock is ticking and Prince Charming is a no-show? You spent Valentine’s day with your Mom? No problem! Try one of these classic Brazilian spells (we call them simpatias) and then go shop for your wedding gown.

Buy a small statue of Saint Anthony, the patron saint of single women. Remove Baby Jesus from his arms and tell the saint you won’t return the baby unless you get a boyfriend. You can reinforce your position, keeping Anthony upside down, so he will understand you are not kidding.

If you consider yourself very ugly, choose a leaf of espada de São Jorge (a sword-like plant commonly used in Afro-Brazilian cults). Cut it into three pieces and throw them in boiling water for three hours. After the water cools down, wash your face with it, praying to Saint George and asking him to convert the “dragon” into a beauty.

Buy a new sharp knife and stick it into a banana tree on June 12th at midnight  (Saint Anthony’s day is on the 13th). The liquid that will drip from the plant’s wound will form the first letter of the name of your future husband. The mother of a friend did this. She was very upset that K appeared – it is rarely used in Brazilian names. Years later she married a visiting German, Kurt.

Write the names of possible candidates in separate pieces of paper. Leave one piece blank. Fold all of them and put them in a dish full of water on June 12th at midnight . Leave the dish outside. The paper that will be fully open in the morning will show the name of your future husband. In case the blank paper is open, either you will never get married or you still don’t know your future husband. Just believe whatever is more convenient to you.

To check how many years it will take till you get married, pick someone’s wedding ring and tie it to a thread on June 12th at midnight. Put a cup on the table and hold the thread so the ring will be hanging in the middle of the cup. Ask, then, how many years you will still have to wait. The ring will begin to move like a pendulum. Each time it hits the walls of the cup represents one more year of waiting.

For a reconciliation with an estranged boyfriend, tie seven colorful ribbons to Saint Anthony’s statue. Keep the statue upside down in a dark place. Promise him you will free him as soon as you are in good terms again.

Disclaimer: I cannot guarantee that these simpatias will work for you. One of my friends, a journalist in her late thirties, took a black chicken, red ribbons and a bottle of bad champagne to a crossroads inside Vila Formosa, in São Paulo – probably the biggest cemetery in Latin America.

She made her offerings at midnight, as her candomblé spiritual guide suggested. Shortly after, she got pregnant, but never heard about the baby’s father again.

And, by the way, remember the mother of my friend? The one who married a certain Kurt after sticking a knife into a banana tree? She divorced soon after.

Brazilian born, French citizen, married to an American, Regina Scharf is the ultimate globetrotter. She graduated in Biology and Journalism from USP (Universidade de São Paulo) and has worked for Folha de S. Paulo, Gazeta Mercantil and Veja magazine as well as Radio France Internationale. Since 2004 she has lived in Santa Fe, New Mexico, in the US. She authored or co-authored several books in Portuguese on environmental issues and was honored by the 2002 Reuters-IUCN Press award for Latin America and by the 2004 Prêmio Ethos. You can read more by her at Deep Brazil – www.deepbrazil.com.

Tags:

  • Show Comments (1)

  • Marco Vieira

    This is one reason I left Brazil
    Brazilians believe in Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Maluf, god and all the stuff written above. While the rest of the world moves forward with more progressive ways of life (say, for girls to go to college, get a degree and then worry about forming a family) many Brazilian families still live in the 1800s thinking that a good project of life is to find a good husband for their daughters.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Ads

You May Also Like

Three Brazilian Stewardesses, Orphans of Varig, Make the Cover of Playboy

After five months without getting payment from their moribund employer, Varig, these three stunning ...

Brazil’s Food Company Perdigí£o Grows at Home But Shrinks Overseas

Perdigão, one of Brazil’s largest food companies, had an increase in 17% in the ...

Fifa Makes It Official: Brazil Will Host 2014 World Cup

Fifa's (International Federation of Football Association) president, Joseph Blatter, announced earlier today (October 30), ...

Brazil Ready to Become 2nd Largest Granite Exporter

China removed import duties on granite. This opens new perspectives for Brazil, one of ...

To Brazil’s Lula, Landless Have No Need to Complain

Brazilian President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva took advantage of the International Labor Day ...

Micro business generates 40% of formal jobs in Rio, Brazil

Brazilian Businesses Optimistic About Coming Pan American Games

Micro and small businesses are optimistic regarding the Pan American Games, to be held ...

Brazil Grows 6% in First Half and Expects 5.5% Growth in 2008

According to the latest release from the IBGE (Brazilian Institute of Geography and Statistics). ...

Why Brazil’s Democracy Is in Danger

Bolivian President Carlos Mesa’s offer to resign his office and the crisis this generated ...

Brazil Uneasy About US Soldiers on Its Borders

“Another Amazon is possible” will be the slogan in Manaus from today (18 January) ...